Dead Parrot

SLANG, n.
The grunt of the human hog (Pignoramus intolerabilis) with an audible memory. The speech of one who utters with his tongue what he thinks with his ear, and feels the pride of a creator in accomplishing the feat of a parrot. A means (under Providence) of setting up as a wit without a capital of sense.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary


I'm old. When I'm told I look a hot mess, I'm not sure what to think. It doesn't sound good, but you never can tell these days. Bad can sometimes be good.

You know I'm bad, I'm bad
Jamone (sp?) Hoo
I'm bad, you know it
You know
You know
You know
etc.
-Michael Jackson, Bad

And I'm pretty sure I haven't rolled mad deep in a long time, if ever. Just today, though, I was told I was hot. For nearly half the day, I carried this compliment with me.

SELF-ESTEEM, n.
An erroneous appraisement.
-Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary

Turns out, "hot" can mean crazy, messed up, erroneous.

As much as we at SPASTIC enjoy railing against misuse of the subjunctive mood, we see no conflict in enjoying the use of what we call "Ephemeral English." This is language that by the time we learn it, it is retired. We use it as a reminder of lost youth, an attempt to be "dope"* for a fleeting moment. We have not forsaken our mission, we simply table it at times. At our last annual meeting, we unanimously voted to begin using "raise the roof" in colloquial speech. A week later, one member reported by e-mail that his research showed that since 1994, only monster truck show announcers have said "raise the roof."

We like to see ourselves as the astute owl, or even the clever crow, but we most often are the squawking parrot. But, truly, that makes it no less fun. Or, as they say, "sweet."**

*dope: 1992-Nov. 1993
**they do not say this.