4.28.2005

Bruce. Lee.

Driving today, I encountered construction. A large tar-making machine had spray painted on its rear a message, presumably aimed at me:

GIT-R-DONE
SLOW

While I realize these were probably meant as two thoughts, or at least as subordinate clauses in need of punctuation, I read them in my head as one:* "GIT-R-DONE SLOW." And then, out loud to no one, I corrected their misuse of the adverb by saying: "LEE." I do this to people, too. Such sanctimoniousness must really irk some folks.

THEM: "Man, you do that quick."
ME: "Lee."
THEM: "Sorry?"
ME: "Quickly. I do it quickly."
THEM: "Oh."
[awkward pause]
THEM: "So, anyway, the play was real good."
ME: "Lee."
THEM: ...
YOU: "The play was really..."
THEM: YEAH, I GET IT. SHUT UP THE H--- UP, POINDEXTER!
YOU: [Looking down, hurt puppy-dog eyes]
THEM: Hey, I'm sorry, don't take it personal."
YOU: "Lee."

Is there an Grammar Correctors Anonymous? Could we start one?
Or is there no shame in helping people along the path to proper speech? We should stand tall in our quest, rooting out improper usage and dragging it into the daylight!

OK, but see, here's the thing:
I don't want to get hit.

*I take the same tack when reading "SLOW CHILDREN." I say "Oh, poor things."

4 comments:

ACoolKid said...

The important thing when driving through construction is just to drive safe.

polyglot conspiracy said...

I think you might need this. It's really like the Anti-Grammar Correctors Anonymous.

Also, in proper accordance with Hartman's Law, you seem to have indicated that Anonymous is owned by Grammar Corrector.

Eric "Babe" Morse said...

coolkid: I drive safes for a living... how'd you know?

PC: Ha! Thanks. I bookmarked Hartman. And, um, fixed the you-know-what. It'll be our secret.
Also, the first link didn't work, but I figured it was supposed to go to freethepeeves.com. I did, and I feel a little better.

Idle Mind said...

I guess I should take some hardcore writing classes at Central. I followed your link to freethepeeves.com and I failed a quiz. What a bummer!