If You Build It, They Will Still Charge $1.50 For Extra Guac

A Build-Your-Own Fajita* restaurant in town has two large signs on the wall, side by side, with the headlines:

WINES • MARGARITA'S

I understand that folks feel impelled to add apostrophe's after vowels. I know that this is a Thing (This cartoon acknowledges that fact nicely), but then I can't follow as to why they didn't have WINE'S. These are very nice, very permanent signs.

huh.

ALSO IN MY HEAD
A superior said the other day that he'd taken so much heat from his bosses that "at this point I have Asbestos Pants. Cute. I wrote it down. Then I wrote next to it: "He's doing asbestos he can." There's a knock-knock joke in there somewhere...

*You don't have Build Your Own Fajita places? Not only do you get to spend as much as you would at any other nice restaurant, you get to make your own dinner and wait in line for someone to cook it. Genius!

Three Short Bits

Unce
The Wiggles have a camel song with this rhyme:
From Abu Dhabi to Australia
In the desert a camel won't fail ya
Awesome.

Tice
A hospital billboard in town uses this headline:

QUALITY. HOMETOWN. CARE.

Shouldn't these one-word statements be parallel? As I read them, I get that this hospital is (of) quality, it is (in my) hometown, and that it is... care. I realize that they mean to say that they care, but then they would also be saying that they quality, no? Bill Walsh had a nice bit about this a while back.

Fee Tines
I don't often go about telling people of funnies I made earlier. They are never funny out of context. But I am quite proud of a joke no one in the car laughed at, and I share it here. If this makes me a Big Fat Egohead, so be it.

SEVEN YEAR OLD SON PLAYING WITH BALLOON: Daddy, do you know what's keeping my balloon down?
DADDY: Is it The Man?

Correction: I laughed.

Bonus Fourth Bit
For, like, a week now, Sir Paul's My Love has been in and out of my head:

Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo , my love does it good.

Such crazy grammar. Such schmaltz. Yet, there it is. Every morning. Can't kick it it.

Snap To It

The word "snap" (as in SNAP!) has become quite a versatile idiom, especially with those younger than I.
"Snap" can be:

A response to a putdown
CLARENCE (to JERRY): You're so stupid it takes you two hours to watch 60 minutes.
ME (on sidelines): Oh, snap!

An S-word alternative
TOMMY: Snap! March of the Penguins is sold out! Looks like Dukes of Hazzard for me!

An expression of joy
RED: Whoa! I'm getting Gameshow Network for free! Snap!


An expression of surprise
PHIL: Snap! Steven Tyler is a doctor!

Of course, standard definitions of "snap" (finger-popping, losing one's temper) are still about, but seldom used.

These ruminations come about because yesterday I purchased these:

These, as you may know, are SNAPS®. As hard as I find this to believe, I had never had SNAPS® before yesterday. I enjoy candy. If I had an Indian Prince's cash, I'd build a chocolate palace, and eat it all before it melted. How have these treasures eluded me? They're like Good-n-Plenty, but Gooder and Plentier. I had some left, and I just finished them. Snap, these are good.

A new school year is beginning. I will keep a supply of these delicacies on hand. When students yell out Snap! (as is their wont) I shall chuck one their way. As these candies were not made by Mountain Dew*, they will hate them.

So, as we bend at the starting block of a year, awaiting the buzzer that sounds the start of another mixed metaphor, take a moment to luxuriate in the anise-y goodness that is the SNAP®.

*Kids love the Mountain Dew. Is it just me, or wasn't Pitch Black II called The Chronicles of Riddick?

The Man With One Red Sumac

We passed yesterday at the mall.
I did not acknowledge you.
For that, I am Truly Sorry.

but

The Warning on the back of my
Aveeno®
States clearly:
When using
Avoid contact with eyes.

Please understand.

Thanks.

Place Shirt Pun Here*

Saw this on a fellow at Six Flags:




I laughed.
PIN number and ATM machine came to mind as possible inspiration for this shirt (maybe I was feeling cash-strapped at the time). This site is a fun look at what they call Redundant Acronym Phrases (I think they should be called RAP phrases). Any other examples come to mind?


In unrelated news
Another Six Flags shirt:

If you love him
Let him go.
If he doesn't come back
He's with me.

*Shirt Happens, Getting My Shirt Together... it's all so base. There's a better one, I'll think on it whilst camping this weekend.

Kiss Me On The Veranda

A recent conversation:

SHE:...all last week, we were incommunicado.
ME: So you don't have cell phones?
SHE: Yeah... that's how we stay incommunicado.
ME: ...
SHE: We were in communicado.

At this point I realize she is using incommunicado to mean "in communication". Interesting. In contrast to what this blog may lead you to believe, I am not a grammar Nazi. I do not get all up in people's grills like "Use the subjunctive! It's if I were! Come on!" No, the conversation ended thusly:

ME: Oh.

It made me think of a scene from Three Amigos.

LUCKY: One hundred thousand pesos to come to Santa Poco, put on show, stop. The infamous El Guapo.
DUSTY: What does that mean? Infamous?�
NED: Ah, Dusty! Infamous is when you're more than famous! This guy El Guapo is not just famous, he's IN-famous!
LUCKY: A hundred thousand pesos to do a personal appearance with this guy El Guapo, who is probably the biggest actor to ever come out of Mexico!
DUSTY: Wow, the IN-famous? IN-famous?

It's not a perfect fit, but I think of the Three Amigos a lot. Anyone remember Steve Martin's "I'm-up-here!" bird call? Pure gold. Anyhow, it's just an example of how we interpret words and phrases. Just recently, I dropped the ball on the meaning of "wotcher"... not watching my context clues. What about you all? Words you thought meant something different, or even opposite?

High Camp

SPATIC HQ will be closed for the coming week, as its entire staff will be on vacation. Feel free to browse the archives in our absence.

May your week be sunny and deer tick-free.
-Northern Michigan Proverb

From Soup to Nuts

No time to think, but always time for a quick association. Former ones are here and here.

SOUP
SOUPY SALES
SALES DRIVE
DRIVE-IN
INSIDE SCOOP
SCOOP OF VANILLA
VANILLA SKY
IONE SKYE
SKYY BLUE
BLUE MONDAY
MONDAY, MONDAY (genius!)
MANIC MONDAY
MANIC DEPRESSIVE
FREEDOM OF DEPRESS
FREEDOMFORUM.ORG
ROMAN FORUM
BODONI ROMAN
DON'T EAT THE DAISIES
DAISY DUKE
PUT UP YER DUKES
PUT UP OR SHUT UP
SHUT THE DOOR
THE DOORS (brilliant!)
DOOR KNOCKER
KNOCK ON WOOD
RON WOOD
DA DO RON RON
DE DO DO DO DE DA DA DA
DADAISM
JUDAISM
JUDE LAW
COLE SLAW
COLE PORTER
PORTER BEER
BEER RUN
BORN TO RUN
BORN FREE
FREE RIDE
RIDE THE LIGHTNING
LIGHTNING BOLTS
NUTS AND BOLTS
BOLTS
(whew!)