Quoth the Ravin'

OK, people.
Quotation marks have a number of important uses.

They let you know you're reading exactly what a person said.
"You never know what your history is going to be like until long after you're gone."
—George Bush

They let you know you're reading the title of a short work.
Ambrose Bierce's "My Favourite Murder" was not made into a Diagnosis Murder episode.

They let you know the writer finds a term wack, skeptical, off-the-mark.
"Stars Are Blind" is the new single from model, "actress" and "singer" Paris Hilton.

And now, a reminder:
Quotation marks do not get used around portions of prepositional phrases. This is just crazy.
Last week, it was GOLD "BY THE" INCH at the fair. Today, from outside Silver Lake State Park, it's

PIZZA
HOT & FRESH
"FROM THE"
OVEN

Pardon my French, but what the crap, people? What is it about quotation marks that freaks us out so? Why do we feel the need to wrap random words in quotes? I've mentioned this before, but I must remind everyone that there are only so many of each character to go around. If we continue to make giant signs that say everything is "half" off (I go in the store, and everything is actually 25% off, and the lady does the air-quotes thing and says ""half" off... so not really! Get it? Hahaha!") and sides of buildings that advertise "TV's" "VCR's" "RADIO'S" "GREAT DEALS" "OPEN DAILY" we are going to run out. Then where will we be? Imagine this hellish scenario:

I was just reading The Purloined Letter, and I thought it was quite good.
You were reading a Purloined Letter? You thief! Give it back!
Whaaa...?
One can't run about purloining things, even if they are a good read. I'm very disappointed!
I mean Poe's The Purloined Letter!
I don't care whose it was, Mr. Random-Article-Adder. Just take it the back!

If folks keep overusing quote marks, we may have to resort to other punctuation:

(*Mr. Heathcliff?}; I said.
A nod was the answer.
#8Mr. Lockwood, your new tenant, sir. I do myself the honour of calling as soon as possible after my arrival, to express the hope that I have not inconvenienced you by my perseverance in soliciting the occupation of Thrushcross Grange: I heard yesterday you had had some thoughts...

//Thrushcross Grange is my own, sir,®§ he interrupted, wincing. ☮ðI should not allow any one to inconvenience me, if I could hinder it - walk in!^^¾ ¿

No one wants this to happen. It's up to all of us to keep the overuse of the quotation to a minumum. Due vigilance, compadres.

"Never Give In. Never, Never, Nev^^¾ ¿
-Winston Churchill

Rock the Vote. With Sugar On Top.

There's a campaign sign around town:

PLEASE ELECT
TODD EDWARDS
COUNTY COMMISSIONER

I don't recall seeing many, if any, campaign posters that use the word "please".
On one hand, it seems polite. Nice. Friendly.
But on the other hand, and this is my dominant hand, it seems pleading. Needy. Sad.

Please.

For the love of God, elect me!

C'mon, please? Pleeeeze? Pleasepleasepleaseplease?

It's the only sign in town that pleads with us. There are many, and most either just say "Elect" or nothing at all.... just the person's name and office. I like this last one. I know the purpose of the signs are to suggest that I "Vote" for or "Elect" someone on Election Day. I doubt there is anyone who would see the yard sign:

TODD EDWARDS
COUNTY COMMISSIONER

and say "Hey, Commissioner Edwards lives there!"

So, don't look so needy, Todd. It's not cool.

*Hey, speaking of voting, the MIPA J-World site has a cute article about a very important election. Let your voice be heard!

True Story

Went to the fair yesterday.
A guy had a booth, where he sold

GOLD

"BY THE"
INCH

I have nothing else to say about this.

Dodgy Logic

I took my eight-year-old and five-year-old to the 3/8 mile paved oval track in the middle of the corn field down the way. We got to wear squishy dayglo earplugs, sit on a bleacher built during the Johnson administration, and eat hot dogs way after bedtime. Very fun.

During intermission, we checked out the "Souvenir Stand". To give you an idea of its appearance, I can tell you my five-year-old daughter's first question was:
"Is this a garage sale"?

It was quite the hodge-podge of merchandise. Some stuff from Oriental Trading Company for the kids (500% markup, natch), some Dale, Jr. wallets, some tin signs for the side of your garage that have the dixie flag and the words REDNECK BOULEVARD.
The one item that's stuck with me is the decal for your truck window that says:

THIS FORD EATS CHEVYS AND S***S OUT DODGES

Now, that's a statement that conjures an image. And it ain't pretty.

But more to the point, it just doesn't make sense. I'm not a science teacher. But we're led to believe that the guy's vehicle practices some magical alchemy that can change a vehicle it consumes into another make of vehicle?
OK, I get it.
Dodge=crap.
But it still doesn't work for me.
Like, I think I'm led to believe that a Chevy is better than a Dodge.
But the Chevy turns into a Dodge when eaten and pooped.
So, in the end, I've got a Ford and a Dodge, and no Chevy.

I don't know what this means. I'm just thinkin' out loud.
Or, maybe, over-thinkin' out loud.

All I know is that it'd be more helpful if I had a car that instead of s******g Dodges, dodges s***.