Snappy Comebacks to Unasked Questions

I just finished Steve Martin's latest book, an autobiography of sorts... it chronicles just his stand-up years. Fascinating and wonderful.

In it, he takes credit for writing this line: "Do you mind if I smoke? No, do you mind if I fart?" Wow. That is one of those lines that I just figured has always been around. Anyhow, it got me thinking about snappy comebacks.
Not much rankles me, and rarely do I tirade* about what someone says or does. I like to think on it, but it doesn't upset me.

So, I don't have any great examples of things people say that bug me. Remember Mad's "Snappy Comebacks to Stupid Questions"? I always enjoyed that bit... I just don't often think people are asking stupid questions. Maybe it's the teacher in me.

But I do like snappy comebacks.

So. Here is a list of Snappy Comebacks... I just don't have the Stupid Questions they, um Comeback... to.

Snappy Comebacks to Unasked Questions
  • Maybe on Planet Dokken!
  • If you don't mind a little spittle, then yes, absolutely!
  • Why else do you think I named my daughter Hermione?
  • What'd you expect? Turner and Hooch?
  • No, I'm just waiting for the Orange Julius Express!
  • When flies pig!
  • Never! Unless there are conflict diamonds involved. And then, only on a case-by-case basis.
  • No, but I do have lumbago. That's the Forbidden Dance!

*my latest attempt at verbing. "Tirade" means to "go off on a tirade."

1 comment:

quantum flux said...

Okay - I just refilled on Spastic -- there was a lull there and I just caught up with about five posts to which I can't reply to all as I might if I had more time but I'm trying to focus . . . okay two things:

1st: trivial: but everytime in class I say "do do" I acknowledge it with parenthetical like tone (as I'm guessing you have done more than once) -- good stuff.

2nd: All I know is that your latest post contained the word "Dokken" and I have to retell a story about that before I forget (because I had forgot until I saw your post) so - please, next time I see you remind me to tell you about "Dokken"

thanks for the Christmas candy! see you at the shop.