For this one, I took a one-line joke and turned it into a fairly epic tale. Please remember this is 7th grade. The language is '80s-tinged, and the puns are awful. My humor is much more sophisticated now.
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The Potato family was a happy one. Mother and Father Potato lived with their three daughters. The children grew, and before they knew it, the eldest was off to see the world. One evening, the family was sitting about watching TV (M*A*S*H, natch) when the phone rang. It was their daughter.
"Mom! Dad! I'm getting married!"
"Ore-Ida!" said her father, who'd been hoping she'd marry soon. "Who is he?"
"Oh, dad, you'll love him. He's a doctor."
Well, dad was indeed excited to have such prestige brought to his family. There was a huge wedding and celebration.
A year passed, and the middle child left home for Art School (Julienne) . Soon, a call came. The family stopped watching their movie (The Eyes of Laura Mars) to listen in.
"Mom! I'm getting married! He's a District Attorney! And, he's a real spud muffin!"
"Totally tuberlar!" exclaimed mom.
There was a large wedding and a wonderful party.
Finally, the third daughter left to follow her dream. Her parents could only hope it wouldn't be half-baked. They worried that their small fry might not make a wise decision.
Then, the call came, right in the middle of CHiPs.
"Mom! Dad! I'm marrying Dan Rather!"
Oh, they were not happy.
Mom was boiling. Dad turned red potato. There was no large wedding. They were ashamed.
Because their first two daughters had married so well, and the third had married a commentater.
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I haven't told this joke in years. It could use updating. The first that comes to mind is that the 3rd girl could marry "Tim Russet". Other ideas?