A gusher of thoughts hit me in the shower this morning, and here they are, in order, before I forget them. Rarely do I take the time to trace my stream of consciousness, but since some of these thoughts were languagey I thought I'd let you all float down the stream with me.
stroke
Speaking of extraneous punctuation, CSI: is just silly. I know they do it because of CSI: Miami and CSI: New York and the upcoming CSI: Salt Lake City*. They think we somehow need remind that "hey! There are other CSIs out there!" But I don't get that from a colon at all. All I get is that you were about to add something, then stopped typing. It's more like CSI: oh, forget it.
stroke
Which makes me think of emoticons. The birthday of the emoticon was recently, and it got me thinking that I never have used one. Seriously. I never drew smileys in letters either or wrote "j/k" after a joke. I've always figures that either you get me, or not. Of course, I can be dry and sometimes my jests have been taken straight.
An emoticon could have changed the response to a note slipped surreptitiously to my (soon-to-be-canceled) date in 4th hour Algebra. Tell me if you see a difference:
#1. Maybe we could hit Pixie and try to get our names on the wall for eating 12 burgers.
#2. Maybe we could hit Pixie and try to get our names on the wall for eating 12 burgers. :)
stroke
For the record, my name's on the wall at Pixie in Mt. Pleasant. It's not under Eric "Babe" Morse, though. That's a pseudonym. Look for Chad Sanders. And it's for eight coneys, not 12 burgers.
stroke
In the eighth-grade spelling bee, the moderator asked us to spell pseudonym. But he pronounced it SUEDE-uh-Nimh. Like suede coat. We got it right, anyways.
stroke
A math teacher of mine had elbow patches the size of mouse pads.
stroke
Had a dream last night I became a 2nd-grade teacher. At the open house, I was 30 minutes late and there was a mob at my door. I tried to explain that I'd been caught in a freakish lightning storm, and trees were falling everywhere, but no one seemed to have noticed any storm. I told them I was very into active learning, and this made them happy, except for one lady, who said "Not a good first impression. That's strike one."
And that's the end of my shower. Eventually, all things merge into one. And a River Runs Through It.
*Since I've always seen the CSIs as latter-day Quincys, this one works for me. :)
9.30.2005
9.25.2005
Birdland
This is off-topic.
But for six months or so, I've been listening to Tables and Chairs, a wonderful song from Andrew Bird. And every single time, every time, it makes me smile. It just played while I was grumpily sweating over a deadline, and I stopped, listened, and smiled.
I don't really take time to think what it's about. My take is it's a kind of post-apocalyptic future, which turns out kinda nice.
I know we're gonna meet someday in the crumbled financial institutions of this land
there will be tables and chairs
pony rides and dancing bears
there'll even be a band
'cause listen after the fall there'll be no more countries
no currencies at all
we're gonna live on our wits
throw away survival kits
trade butterfly knives for Adderal
and that's not all
woah!
there will be snacks, there will
there will be snacks!
It's the "there will be snacks" that I just adore. Such joy. The Adderal rhyme's fun, too. That is all. Support this man, if you find it groovy. I got this as a free iTunes Pepsi download... I think that means he still gets, like 25¢ or something.
But for six months or so, I've been listening to Tables and Chairs, a wonderful song from Andrew Bird. And every single time, every time, it makes me smile. It just played while I was grumpily sweating over a deadline, and I stopped, listened, and smiled.
I don't really take time to think what it's about. My take is it's a kind of post-apocalyptic future, which turns out kinda nice.
I know we're gonna meet someday in the crumbled financial institutions of this land
there will be tables and chairs
pony rides and dancing bears
there'll even be a band
'cause listen after the fall there'll be no more countries
no currencies at all
we're gonna live on our wits
throw away survival kits
trade butterfly knives for Adderal
and that's not all
woah!
there will be snacks, there will
there will be snacks!
It's the "there will be snacks" that I just adore. Such joy. The Adderal rhyme's fun, too. That is all. Support this man, if you find it groovy. I got this as a free iTunes Pepsi download... I think that means he still gets, like 25¢ or something.
9.19.2005
The Holy Ghos't
This billboard greets commuters on our local freeway:
You can't read all of it as you drive by. You get about to "Heavenly Father" and you're by it. Apparently, these 'boards were put up by a Detroit-area businessman frustrated that he can't break through the lock the auto industry has on local commerce. At first, this makes one think of the "God Speaks" series, the white-on-black messages that God sent down to our billboards with messages like: "Don't make me come down there. -God"
But the God Speaks series was obviously meant to make us laugh, then maybe think for a second. And you could read them in three seconds. This guy asks God to "forgive us our sin of being dependent on the Auto Industry..." Hang on. [checks biblegateway.com]. Nope, no "auto industry" commandments that I know of.
OK, I get his point. And having the ability to drop $5,000 (a guess, probably low) on some pretty ugly billboards that you have to park to read is pretty cool.
But here's the thing:
IN JESUS NAME
In Jesus we trust, yes. In Jesus I find Peace, sure. "In Jesus name" is missing something. Something simple, something that people who will take checks for $5,000 should probably take a second to fix. Don't you think?
You can't read all of it as you drive by. You get about to "Heavenly Father" and you're by it. Apparently, these 'boards were put up by a Detroit-area businessman frustrated that he can't break through the lock the auto industry has on local commerce. At first, this makes one think of the "God Speaks" series, the white-on-black messages that God sent down to our billboards with messages like: "Don't make me come down there. -God"
But the God Speaks series was obviously meant to make us laugh, then maybe think for a second. And you could read them in three seconds. This guy asks God to "forgive us our sin of being dependent on the Auto Industry..." Hang on. [checks biblegateway.com]. Nope, no "auto industry" commandments that I know of.
OK, I get his point. And having the ability to drop $5,000 (a guess, probably low) on some pretty ugly billboards that you have to park to read is pretty cool.
But here's the thing:
IN JESUS NAME
In Jesus we trust, yes. In Jesus I find Peace, sure. "In Jesus name" is missing something. Something simple, something that people who will take checks for $5,000 should probably take a second to fix. Don't you think?
9.13.2005
Flip It Real Good
In "Lisa's Rival", Lisa meets the new girl, who is younger and smarter than she. It's a beautiful look at the fun and frustrating sport of Anagramming.
Taylor: Hi, Lisa, I'm Alison's father, Professor Taylor. I've heard
great things about you.
Lisa: Oh, really? I --
Taylor: Oh, don't be modest. I'm glad we have someone who can join us
in our anagram game.
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a
description of that person.
Taylor: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: [thinks] Genuine class.
Taylor: Ho ho, very good. All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: [looks with consternation] Jeremy's...iron.
Taylor: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try. You know
what? I have a ball. [pulls one from his pocket] Perhaps you'd
like to bounce it?
Anagrams go way the heck back. Like, B.C. back. Used to be, if you were clever with wordplay, you could be made a part of the King's Court. Kind of like the Anagrammatist Laureate. What a sweet job, sit around all day rearranging letters. Then, they invented television and we all stopped thinking. That's a shortened history, but the point is people don't delight in wordplay as much as they used to.
Which is too dang bad, because a) it's a brainstretch, which we all can use a little of and b) it makes me laugh.
Now, technically, an anagram is simply the letters of a word or phrase rearranged to create a different word or phrase. But the fun part is when you can make the rearrangement makes sense, and make it a particularly insightful reflection of the original word or phrase. This is the fine craft, and mystics, Kabbalists, and Will Shortz have long looked to anagrams for meaning and portent.
For instance, I can anagram Pamela Anderson into "Madonna's a leper", but it doesn't really make much sense. From Alyssa Milano, I can get "I am only a lass", which makes sense enough, but isn't terribly funny or insightful. Woody Allen to "A lewd loony" or "Wooed all NY", now that's good stuff. (All of these examples came from anagramgenius)
The internet (small "i", any objections?) has made anagrams rather fun again. Plug any word or phrase into an anagram server and get back thousands of options. Many make no sense, but it gives you somewhere to start.
So, you got one? Should it be a contest? Myself, I'd like to see what anagrams people could find of "staff meeting", "professional development", or "standardized testing". But that's just me. Share Your Ideas! Which may, of course, Assure Hairy Ode!
Taylor: Hi, Lisa, I'm Alison's father, Professor Taylor. I've heard
great things about you.
Lisa: Oh, really? I --
Taylor: Oh, don't be modest. I'm glad we have someone who can join us
in our anagram game.
Alison: We take proper names and rearrange the letters to form a
description of that person.
Taylor: Like, er...oh, I don't know, uh...Alec Guinness.
Alison: [thinks] Genuine class.
Taylor: Ho ho, very good. All right, Lisa, um...Jeremy Irons.
Lisa: [looks with consternation] Jeremy's...iron.
Taylor: Mm hmm, well that's...very good...for a first try. You know
what? I have a ball. [pulls one from his pocket] Perhaps you'd
like to bounce it?
Anagrams go way the heck back. Like, B.C. back. Used to be, if you were clever with wordplay, you could be made a part of the King's Court. Kind of like the Anagrammatist Laureate. What a sweet job, sit around all day rearranging letters. Then, they invented television and we all stopped thinking. That's a shortened history, but the point is people don't delight in wordplay as much as they used to.
Which is too dang bad, because a) it's a brainstretch, which we all can use a little of and b) it makes me laugh.
Now, technically, an anagram is simply the letters of a word or phrase rearranged to create a different word or phrase. But the fun part is when you can make the rearrangement makes sense, and make it a particularly insightful reflection of the original word or phrase. This is the fine craft, and mystics, Kabbalists, and Will Shortz have long looked to anagrams for meaning and portent.
For instance, I can anagram Pamela Anderson into "Madonna's a leper", but it doesn't really make much sense. From Alyssa Milano, I can get "I am only a lass", which makes sense enough, but isn't terribly funny or insightful. Woody Allen to "A lewd loony" or "Wooed all NY", now that's good stuff. (All of these examples came from anagramgenius)
The internet (small "i", any objections?) has made anagrams rather fun again. Plug any word or phrase into an anagram server and get back thousands of options. Many make no sense, but it gives you somewhere to start.
So, you got one? Should it be a contest? Myself, I'd like to see what anagrams people could find of "staff meeting", "professional development", or "standardized testing". But that's just me. Share Your Ideas! Which may, of course, Assure Hairy Ode!
9.11.2005
Once, Twice, Three Times a Lady Chablis
So, I'm working. In the other room, Law & Order: CI is on. Someone on the TV says:
"...died giving himself a sherry enema."
I yell into the room:
"Sherry Enema would be a great drag queen name!"
No response. I wish they still made Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
I'd try out for it.
Cuz that was gold, if you ask me.
"...died giving himself a sherry enema."
I yell into the room:
"Sherry Enema would be a great drag queen name!"
No response. I wish they still made Mystery Science Theatre 3000.
I'd try out for it.
Cuz that was gold, if you ask me.
9.06.2005
You Have Violated My Fragging Rights
In this post, I talked about a crazy headline that used one-word sentences to create a hip little slogan. Unfortunately, it didn't hold together gramatically. In my library today, there was a giant check from Wal-Mart®, like this one:
There, on the check, is Wal-Mart®'s do-good slogan:
Good. Works.
OK, now I get that they do "good works". And I even get that the act of doing good works out well in the end. Both of these meanings can be taken from the phrase. But what does the sentence "Good." mean? In the other example (Quality. Hometown. Care.), at least the three words were descriptors, and it kind of held together. This, I can't buy at all. To me, the sentence "Good." only works in this context:
SHE: I'm leaving, and never coming back!
HE: Good.
And the sentence "Works." just doesn't.
What is it with the sentence frag tag lines?* Do you have other examples? I know I've seen more...
*Oooh. Frag Tags. I like that.
There, on the check, is Wal-Mart®'s do-good slogan:
Good. Works.
OK, now I get that they do "good works". And I even get that the act of doing good works out well in the end. Both of these meanings can be taken from the phrase. But what does the sentence "Good." mean? In the other example (Quality. Hometown. Care.), at least the three words were descriptors, and it kind of held together. This, I can't buy at all. To me, the sentence "Good." only works in this context:
SHE: I'm leaving, and never coming back!
HE: Good.
And the sentence "Works." just doesn't.
What is it with the sentence frag tag lines?* Do you have other examples? I know I've seen more...
*Oooh. Frag Tags. I like that.
9.05.2005
Movin' Out
This sign was posted by the roadside today:
MOVING
SALE
AHEAD
Such simple words, fraught with such ambiguity.
Has the scheduled date of the sale been bumped up? To when? Have I missed it?
Is this a sale that moves about, like a Progressive Supper?
Will the emotional impact of the sale be so moving that I may be transformed? Am I up to this?
Or is it that someone is moving. And having a sale. And it's up there a ways. And that I felt I didn't have the time for a more thoughtful post, and I mailed this in.
Could be.
MOVING
SALE
AHEAD
Such simple words, fraught with such ambiguity.
Has the scheduled date of the sale been bumped up? To when? Have I missed it?
Is this a sale that moves about, like a Progressive Supper?
Will the emotional impact of the sale be so moving that I may be transformed? Am I up to this?
Or is it that someone is moving. And having a sale. And it's up there a ways. And that I felt I didn't have the time for a more thoughtful post, and I mailed this in.
Could be.
8.29.2005
If You Build It, They Will Still Charge $1.50 For Extra Guac
A Build-Your-Own Fajita* restaurant in town has two large signs on the wall, side by side, with the headlines:
WINES • MARGARITA'S
I understand that folks feel impelled to add apostrophe's after vowels. I know that this is a Thing (This cartoon acknowledges that fact nicely), but then I can't follow as to why they didn't have WINE'S. These are very nice, very permanent signs.
huh.
ALSO IN MY HEAD
A superior said the other day that he'd taken so much heat from his bosses that "at this point I have Asbestos Pants. Cute. I wrote it down. Then I wrote next to it: "He's doing asbestos he can." There's a knock-knock joke in there somewhere...
*You don't have Build Your Own Fajita places? Not only do you get to spend as much as you would at any other nice restaurant, you get to make your own dinner and wait in line for someone to cook it. Genius!
WINES • MARGARITA'S
I understand that folks feel impelled to add apostrophe's after vowels. I know that this is a Thing (This cartoon acknowledges that fact nicely), but then I can't follow as to why they didn't have WINE'S. These are very nice, very permanent signs.
huh.
ALSO IN MY HEAD
A superior said the other day that he'd taken so much heat from his bosses that "at this point I have Asbestos Pants. Cute. I wrote it down. Then I wrote next to it: "He's doing asbestos he can." There's a knock-knock joke in there somewhere...
*You don't have Build Your Own Fajita places? Not only do you get to spend as much as you would at any other nice restaurant, you get to make your own dinner and wait in line for someone to cook it. Genius!
8.24.2005
Three Short Bits
Unce
The Wiggles have a camel song with this rhyme:
From Abu Dhabi to Australia
In the desert a camel won't fail ya
Awesome.
Tice
A hospital billboard in town uses this headline:
QUALITY. HOMETOWN. CARE.
Shouldn't these one-word statements be parallel? As I read them, I get that this hospital is (of) quality, it is (in my) hometown, and that it is... care. I realize that they mean to say that they care, but then they would also be saying that they quality, no? Bill Walsh had a nice bit about this a while back.
Fee Tines
I don't often go about telling people of funnies I made earlier. They are never funny out of context. But I am quite proud of a joke no one in the car laughed at, and I share it here. If this makes me a Big Fat Egohead, so be it.
SEVEN YEAR OLD SON PLAYING WITH BALLOON: Daddy, do you know what's keeping my balloon down?
DADDY: Is it The Man?
Correction: I laughed.
Bonus Fourth Bit
For, like, a week now, Sir Paul's My Love has been in and out of my head:
Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo , my love does it good.
Such crazy grammar. Such schmaltz. Yet, there it is. Every morning. Can't kick it it.
The Wiggles have a camel song with this rhyme:
From Abu Dhabi to Australia
In the desert a camel won't fail ya
Awesome.
Tice
A hospital billboard in town uses this headline:
QUALITY. HOMETOWN. CARE.
Shouldn't these one-word statements be parallel? As I read them, I get that this hospital is (of) quality, it is (in my) hometown, and that it is... care. I realize that they mean to say that they care, but then they would also be saying that they quality, no? Bill Walsh had a nice bit about this a while back.
Fee Tines
I don't often go about telling people of funnies I made earlier. They are never funny out of context. But I am quite proud of a joke no one in the car laughed at, and I share it here. If this makes me a Big Fat Egohead, so be it.
SEVEN YEAR OLD SON PLAYING WITH BALLOON: Daddy, do you know what's keeping my balloon down?
DADDY: Is it The Man?
Correction: I laughed.
Bonus Fourth Bit
For, like, a week now, Sir Paul's My Love has been in and out of my head:
Wo-wo-wo-wo-wo-wo , my love does it good.
Such crazy grammar. Such schmaltz. Yet, there it is. Every morning. Can't kick it it.
8.23.2005
Snap To It
The word "snap" (as in SNAP!) has become quite a versatile idiom, especially with those younger than I.
"Snap" can be:
A response to a putdown
CLARENCE (to JERRY): You're so stupid it takes you two hours to watch 60 minutes.
ME (on sidelines): Oh, snap!
An S-word alternative
TOMMY: Snap! March of the Penguins is sold out! Looks like Dukes of Hazzard for me!
An expression of joy
RED: Whoa! I'm getting Gameshow Network for free! Snap!
An expression of surprise
PHIL: Snap! Steven Tyler is a doctor!
Of course, standard definitions of "snap" (finger-popping, losing one's temper) are still about, but seldom used.
These ruminations come about because yesterday I purchased these:
These, as you may know, are SNAPS®. As hard as I find this to believe, I had never had SNAPS® before yesterday. I enjoy candy. If I had an Indian Prince's cash, I'd build a chocolate palace, and eat it all before it melted. How have these treasures eluded me? They're like Good-n-Plenty, but Gooder and Plentier. I had some left, and I just finished them. Snap, these are good.
A new school year is beginning. I will keep a supply of these delicacies on hand. When students yell out Snap! (as is their wont) I shall chuck one their way. As these candies were not made by Mountain Dew*, they will hate them.
So, as we bend at the starting block of a year, awaiting the buzzer that sounds the start of another mixed metaphor, take a moment to luxuriate in the anise-y goodness that is the SNAP®.
*Kids love the Mountain Dew. Is it just me, or wasn't Pitch Black II called The Chronicles of Riddick?
"Snap" can be:
A response to a putdown
CLARENCE (to JERRY): You're so stupid it takes you two hours to watch 60 minutes.
ME (on sidelines): Oh, snap!
An S-word alternative
TOMMY: Snap! March of the Penguins is sold out! Looks like Dukes of Hazzard for me!
An expression of joy
RED: Whoa! I'm getting Gameshow Network for free! Snap!
An expression of surprise
PHIL: Snap! Steven Tyler is a doctor!
Of course, standard definitions of "snap" (finger-popping, losing one's temper) are still about, but seldom used.
These ruminations come about because yesterday I purchased these:
These, as you may know, are SNAPS®. As hard as I find this to believe, I had never had SNAPS® before yesterday. I enjoy candy. If I had an Indian Prince's cash, I'd build a chocolate palace, and eat it all before it melted. How have these treasures eluded me? They're like Good-n-Plenty, but Gooder and Plentier. I had some left, and I just finished them. Snap, these are good.
A new school year is beginning. I will keep a supply of these delicacies on hand. When students yell out Snap! (as is their wont) I shall chuck one their way. As these candies were not made by Mountain Dew*, they will hate them.
So, as we bend at the starting block of a year, awaiting the buzzer that sounds the start of another mixed metaphor, take a moment to luxuriate in the anise-y goodness that is the SNAP®.
*Kids love the Mountain Dew. Is it just me, or wasn't Pitch Black II called The Chronicles of Riddick?
8.22.2005
The Man With One Red Sumac
We passed yesterday at the mall.
I did not acknowledge you.
For that, I am Truly Sorry.
but
The Warning on the back of my
Aveeno®
States clearly:
When using
Avoid contact with eyes.
Please understand.
Thanks.
I did not acknowledge you.
For that, I am Truly Sorry.
but
The Warning on the back of my
Aveeno®
States clearly:
When using
Avoid contact with eyes.
Please understand.
Thanks.
8.19.2005
Place Shirt Pun Here*
Saw this on a fellow at Six Flags:
I laughed.
PIN number and ATM machine came to mind as possible inspiration for this shirt (maybe I was feeling cash-strapped at the time). This site is a fun look at what they call Redundant Acronym Phrases (I think they should be called RAP phrases). Any other examples come to mind?
In unrelated news
Another Six Flags shirt:
If you love him
Let him go.
If he doesn't come back
He's with me.
*Shirt Happens, Getting My Shirt Together... it's all so base. There's a better one, I'll think on it whilst camping this weekend.
I laughed.
PIN number and ATM machine came to mind as possible inspiration for this shirt (maybe I was feeling cash-strapped at the time). This site is a fun look at what they call Redundant Acronym Phrases (I think they should be called RAP phrases). Any other examples come to mind?
In unrelated news
Another Six Flags shirt:
If you love him
Let him go.
If he doesn't come back
He's with me.
*Shirt Happens, Getting My Shirt Together... it's all so base. There's a better one, I'll think on it whilst camping this weekend.
8.12.2005
Kiss Me On The Veranda
A recent conversation:
SHE:...all last week, we were incommunicado.
ME: So you don't have cell phones?
SHE: Yeah... that's how we stay incommunicado.
ME: ...
SHE: We were in communicado.
At this point I realize she is using incommunicado to mean "in communication". Interesting. In contrast to what this blog may lead you to believe, I am not a grammar Nazi. I do not get all up in people's grills like "Use the subjunctive! It's if I were! Come on!" No, the conversation ended thusly:
ME: Oh.
It made me think of a scene from Three Amigos.
LUCKY: One hundred thousand pesos to come to Santa Poco, put on show, stop. The infamous El Guapo.
DUSTY: What does that mean? Infamous?�
NED: Ah, Dusty! Infamous is when you're more than famous! This guy El Guapo is not just famous, he's IN-famous!
LUCKY: A hundred thousand pesos to do a personal appearance with this guy El Guapo, who is probably the biggest actor to ever come out of Mexico!
DUSTY: Wow, the IN-famous? IN-famous?
It's not a perfect fit, but I think of the Three Amigos a lot. Anyone remember Steve Martin's "I'm-up-here!" bird call? Pure gold. Anyhow, it's just an example of how we interpret words and phrases. Just recently, I dropped the ball on the meaning of "wotcher"... not watching my context clues. What about you all? Words you thought meant something different, or even opposite?
SHE:...all last week, we were incommunicado.
ME: So you don't have cell phones?
SHE: Yeah... that's how we stay incommunicado.
ME: ...
SHE: We were in communicado.
At this point I realize she is using incommunicado to mean "in communication". Interesting. In contrast to what this blog may lead you to believe, I am not a grammar Nazi. I do not get all up in people's grills like "Use the subjunctive! It's if I were! Come on!" No, the conversation ended thusly:
ME: Oh.
It made me think of a scene from Three Amigos.
LUCKY: One hundred thousand pesos to come to Santa Poco, put on show, stop. The infamous El Guapo.
DUSTY: What does that mean? Infamous?�
NED: Ah, Dusty! Infamous is when you're more than famous! This guy El Guapo is not just famous, he's IN-famous!
LUCKY: A hundred thousand pesos to do a personal appearance with this guy El Guapo, who is probably the biggest actor to ever come out of Mexico!
DUSTY: Wow, the IN-famous? IN-famous?
It's not a perfect fit, but I think of the Three Amigos a lot. Anyone remember Steve Martin's "I'm-up-here!" bird call? Pure gold. Anyhow, it's just an example of how we interpret words and phrases. Just recently, I dropped the ball on the meaning of "wotcher"... not watching my context clues. What about you all? Words you thought meant something different, or even opposite?
8.05.2005
High Camp
SPATIC HQ will be closed for the coming week, as its entire staff will be on vacation. Feel free to browse the archives in our absence.
May your week be sunny and deer tick-free.
-Northern Michigan Proverb
May your week be sunny and deer tick-free.
-Northern Michigan Proverb
8.03.2005
From Soup to Nuts
No time to think, but always time for a quick association. Former ones are here and here.
SOUP
SOUPY SALES
SALES DRIVE
DRIVE-IN
INSIDE SCOOP
SCOOP OF VANILLA
VANILLA SKY
IONE SKYE
SKYY BLUE
BLUE MONDAY
MONDAY, MONDAY (genius!)
MANIC MONDAY
MANIC DEPRESSIVE
FREEDOM OF DEPRESS
FREEDOMFORUM.ORG
ROMAN FORUM
BODONI ROMAN
DON'T EAT THE DAISIES
DAISY DUKE
PUT UP YER DUKES
PUT UP OR SHUT UP
SHUT THE DOOR
THE DOORS (brilliant!)
DOOR KNOCKER
KNOCK ON WOOD
RON WOOD
DA DO RON RON
DE DO DO DO DE DA DA DA
DADAISM
JUDAISM
JUDE LAW
COLE SLAW
COLE PORTER
PORTER BEER
BEER RUN
BORN TO RUN
BORN FREE
FREE RIDE
RIDE THE LIGHTNING
LIGHTNING BOLTS
NUTS AND BOLTS
BOLTS
(whew!)
SOUP
SOUPY SALES
SALES DRIVE
DRIVE-IN
INSIDE SCOOP
SCOOP OF VANILLA
VANILLA SKY
IONE SKYE
SKYY BLUE
BLUE MONDAY
MONDAY, MONDAY (genius!)
MANIC MONDAY
MANIC DEPRESSIVE
FREEDOM OF DEPRESS
FREEDOMFORUM.ORG
ROMAN FORUM
BODONI ROMAN
DON'T EAT THE DAISIES
DAISY DUKE
PUT UP YER DUKES
PUT UP OR SHUT UP
SHUT THE DOOR
THE DOORS (brilliant!)
DOOR KNOCKER
KNOCK ON WOOD
RON WOOD
DA DO RON RON
DE DO DO DO DE DA DA DA
DADAISM
JUDAISM
JUDE LAW
COLE SLAW
COLE PORTER
PORTER BEER
BEER RUN
BORN TO RUN
BORN FREE
FREE RIDE
RIDE THE LIGHTNING
LIGHTNING BOLTS
NUTS AND BOLTS
BOLTS
(whew!)
7.28.2005
Requite Rightly
I realize that anything I post here has been pondered before. I hope only to shed light on questions and invite lively and humorous discussion.
Folks got into this one about negative-sounding words that don't exist without their prefixes or suffixes, like "unrequited". In sorting through their suggestions (props Jess), I came across this fabulous piece, written by a fellow who pondered the same thing, over a decade ago.
Enjoy. It rocks.
How I Met My Wife
by Jack Winter Published July 25, 1994 in The New Yorker
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate. I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way. I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was traveling cognito.
Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.
Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.
So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads and tails of. I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen.
Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated as if this were something I was great shakes at, and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.
Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.
Folks got into this one about negative-sounding words that don't exist without their prefixes or suffixes, like "unrequited". In sorting through their suggestions (props Jess), I came across this fabulous piece, written by a fellow who pondered the same thing, over a decade ago.
Enjoy. It rocks.
How I Met My Wife
by Jack Winter Published July 25, 1994 in The New Yorker
It had been a rough day, so when I walked into the party I was very chalant, despite my efforts to appear gruntled and consolate. I was furling my wieldy umbrella for the coat check when I saw her standing alone in a corner. She was a descript person, a woman in a state of total array. Her hair was kempt, her clothing shevelled, and she moved in a gainly way. I wanted desperately to meet her, but I knew I'd have to make bones about it since I was traveling cognito.
Beknownst to me, the hostess, whom I could see both hide and hair of, was very proper, so it would be skin off my nose if anything bad happened. And even though I had only swerving loyalty to her, my manners couldn't be peccable. Only toward and heard-of behavior would do.
Fortunately, the embarrassment that my maculate appearance might cause was evitable. There were two ways about it, but the chances that someone as flappable as I would be ept enough to become persona grata or a sung hero were slim. I was, after all, something to sneeze at, someone you could easily hold a candle to, someone who usually aroused bridled passion.
So I decided not to risk it. But then, all at once, for some apparent reason, she looked in my direction and smiled in a way that I could make heads and tails of. I was plussed. It was concerting to see that she was communicado, and it nerved me that she was interested in a pareil like me, sight seen.
Normally, I had a domitable spirit, but, being corrigible, I felt capacitated as if this were something I was great shakes at, and forgot that I had succeeded in situations like this only a told number of times. So, after a terminable delay, I acted with mitigated gall and made my way through the ruly crowd with strong givings.
Nevertheless, since this was all new hat to me and I had no time to prepare a promptu speech, I was petuous. Wanting to make only called-for remarks, I started talking about the hors d'oeuvres, trying to abuse her of the notion that I was sipid, and perhaps even bunk a few myths about myself.
7.22.2005
Three Things! Two, Sir. Two!
Some recent thoughts I managed to not forget:
• Don't know why, but I've started collecting words that have common negative usage but rarely-used positives. Like "unrequited". Requited is a word, but no one ever speaks of "requited love" (btw, I've never said this word right. It's Ri-QUITE. I want to say WRECK-WIT, because it looks like "requiem"). "Unabashed" is another one I wanted to mention, but just today I was told onpg. 273 of the new Harry that "Riddle did not look remotely abashed". So, there, I guess. And "unnerved". No one is ever said to be "nerved." There's not even an adjective form. Others, please?
• On pg. 89 (so I'm wild about Harry. Sue me.), Hermione scrutinizes Harry "as though he was sickening for something." No, I'm not going to complain about the subjunctive, but thanks for mentioning it. I'm just curious about the phrase. Obviously a British-ism, for about to be sick. I have no comment, I just like new phrases. Like "tastes of chicken". I say that sometimes, now. Working "sickening for something" into conversation will be little harder.
...and where are your Tom Swifties? Come on, people! These Blogs are Made For Posting (and that's just what they'll do).
The Darkness' Growing on Me just came up on shuffle as I'm about to hit "Publish". Rock.
• Don't know why, but I've started collecting words that have common negative usage but rarely-used positives. Like "unrequited". Requited is a word, but no one ever speaks of "requited love" (btw, I've never said this word right. It's Ri-QUITE. I want to say WRECK-WIT, because it looks like "requiem"). "Unabashed" is another one I wanted to mention, but just today I was told onpg. 273 of the new Harry that "Riddle did not look remotely abashed". So, there, I guess. And "unnerved". No one is ever said to be "nerved." There's not even an adjective form. Others, please?
• On pg. 89 (so I'm wild about Harry. Sue me.), Hermione scrutinizes Harry "as though he was sickening for something." No, I'm not going to complain about the subjunctive, but thanks for mentioning it. I'm just curious about the phrase. Obviously a British-ism, for about to be sick. I have no comment, I just like new phrases. Like "tastes of chicken". I say that sometimes, now. Working "sickening for something" into conversation will be little harder.
...and where are your Tom Swifties? Come on, people! These Blogs are Made For Posting (and that's just what they'll do).
The Darkness' Growing on Me just came up on shuffle as I'm about to hit "Publish". Rock.
7.20.2005
Tom Tom Club
"I still can't believe my godfather is dead!" Harry said seriously.
Sorry. Been reading Harry Potter.
And there's nothing better than a ripping Harry Potter Tom Swifty to start off a post!
So this morning, I was thinking about Tom Swifties. Not sure why... I hadn't really thought of them in ages, probably since I read them in the "Think & Grin" section of Boys' Life magazine. They're named after a character in an old series named Tom Swift. The book (over)used adverbs to describe most of Tom's dialogue ("Father," said Tom earnestly, "may I buy that machine of him?") and soon it became fun to riff on that structure punningly.
-------:::::::::tangent alert:::::::----------
Boys' Life. Now there's an apostrophe to be pondered, yes? Possessive use, so it is the life that belongs to... the boys? One life shared by millions of boys, then? This is the meaning, I believe. Is it that the more proper, I think, Boys' Lives just doesn't swing? Or is the use of Life truly a singular item available to many? As in "Jesus said I am...the Life"? Usage of Life in this way warrants this treatment, I suppose. Jesus is the Life, singular. So in reference to a group of boys all of whom would see Jesus as theirs, we could say "Boys' Life". But we will never do this. And I don't think that's what the Boy Scouts are getting at.
-------------------------------------------------
Tom Swifties are way more fun to me 20 years later. At the time, I got them. But I didn't appreciate the minds behind them. At 13, "orange you glad I didn't say banana"? was still killing. And there are some terrible Tom Swifties out there. But some pretty clever ones, too. To wit:
" ..., and you lose a few," said Tom winsomely.
"I'd love some Chinese food," said Tom wantonly.
"We're presently thinking about a figure somewhere between 7 and 9," said Tom considerately.
"I dropped the toothpaste," said Tom, crestfallen. (doesn't technically fit adverb structure, but funny)
" ," said Tom blankly
Maybe you think these are the worst of puns. They make me laugh. Not OMGROFLMAO. Just usually one Hunh! or even no laugh, just a thoughtful nod that says "well crafted".
For me, even the terrible ones are due props to the thinker-upper:
"No pilaf for me, please", said Tom derisively.
"Fee, fo, fum, I smell the blood of an Englishman!" said the giant defiantly.
"I've lost my trousers," Tom said expansively.
None of these are mine, but the Harry Potter one. Which is quite inside baseball, if you're not a fan. But who isn't, really? I mean, come on! One more:
"Where's the Hogwarts gamekeeper?" Tom said haggardly.
Don't much like this one, but it's what I got.
I've shown you mine. Now you show me yours.
7.15.2005
A Fair Cop
I realize the county fair is not the place to go if looking for strict adherence to grammar rules. We're usually happy if the number of tickets to ride is less than or equal to the number of teeth owned by the ride operator. We do not go looking for rule-breaking to pounce upon.
But, wow. I must share.
I do not wish for a camera phone; they seem quite unnecessary to me. But I wished I'd had one yesterday so that I could have documented these examples for you, so you knew I was not lying. I think you'll see that the truth here is far wilder than anything one could concoct.
Offender #1
Extremely minor, but interesting. A T-shirt with the Rebel Flag. Underneath:
If my shirt offends you,
Its made my day.
The only punctuation missing, of course, would be the apostrophe in the contraction it's. But beyond that, the structure of the sentence seems to be telling me that if I am offended, somehow the shirt has made his day. This is not the crazy example. But I found it interesting that this shirt has obviously been mass-produced, leading me again to wonder at the quality of people in the T-Shirt proofing business. Colleges offering Associate degrees in T-Shirt proofing are obviously not doing their jobs, and standardized testing should be required to improve their performance.
Offender #2
Here we go. Seen at the game booth of a knock-down-the-pins game. Hand-painted, quite permanent, looking as if some care had been taken in creating it, this sign read:
KNOCK E'M DOWN
This is truly amazing to me. You can see the fellow, standing there, brush in hand:
There's an apostrophe, I'm sure of it. But where?
Or, perhaps it's a contraction, but I'm not coming up with the missing letter. Elm?
Offender #3
Across the lane, there was another game of skill. Its title:
RING TOS'S
I swear I am not making this up.
Final Review: the cotton candy was fabulous, the elephant ear greasy, the pizza doughy, the demolition derby loud. A good time was had by all.
The fair rock's!
But, wow. I must share.
I do not wish for a camera phone; they seem quite unnecessary to me. But I wished I'd had one yesterday so that I could have documented these examples for you, so you knew I was not lying. I think you'll see that the truth here is far wilder than anything one could concoct.
Offender #1
Extremely minor, but interesting. A T-shirt with the Rebel Flag. Underneath:
If my shirt offends you,
Its made my day.
The only punctuation missing, of course, would be the apostrophe in the contraction it's. But beyond that, the structure of the sentence seems to be telling me that if I am offended, somehow the shirt has made his day. This is not the crazy example. But I found it interesting that this shirt has obviously been mass-produced, leading me again to wonder at the quality of people in the T-Shirt proofing business. Colleges offering Associate degrees in T-Shirt proofing are obviously not doing their jobs, and standardized testing should be required to improve their performance.
Offender #2
Here we go. Seen at the game booth of a knock-down-the-pins game. Hand-painted, quite permanent, looking as if some care had been taken in creating it, this sign read:
KNOCK E'M DOWN
This is truly amazing to me. You can see the fellow, standing there, brush in hand:
There's an apostrophe, I'm sure of it. But where?
Or, perhaps it's a contraction, but I'm not coming up with the missing letter. Elm?
Offender #3
Across the lane, there was another game of skill. Its title:
RING TOS'S
I swear I am not making this up.
Final Review: the cotton candy was fabulous, the elephant ear greasy, the pizza doughy, the demolition derby loud. A good time was had by all.
The fair rock's!
7.12.2005
Johnny Storm
"It's..."
-the guy at the beginning of Monty Python's Flying Circus
Newsguy the other night said that:
"Hurricane Dennis hit land today. We'll see what damage he caused."
Isn't the idea of naming hurricanes just to keep track of them, not to personify them?
I'm pretty sure we needed an "it" instead of a "he".
Unless of course, said newsguy really thinks the hurricane is a dude. Which, I'm afraid, is possible...
-the guy at the beginning of Monty Python's Flying Circus
Newsguy the other night said that:
"Hurricane Dennis hit land today. We'll see what damage he caused."
Isn't the idea of naming hurricanes just to keep track of them, not to personify them?
I'm pretty sure we needed an "it" instead of a "he".
Unless of course, said newsguy really thinks the hurricane is a dude. Which, I'm afraid, is possible...
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